Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Leaving Rwanda

I leave in two days. Crazy. Three months just flew by! I feel overwhelmingly sad to leave, especially after my goodbye party. I’ve made a little lists of what I can’t wait to be away from and things that I’ll always miss. Enjoy!

1. The mosquito net. Why? No clue, but every single night when I have to tuck it into my bed I am ready to high tail it out of Rwanda. Maybe it’s the tucking, maybe it’s the fact that I still get mosquitoes in the net, I don’t know, but I hate it.

2. Seriously the emotions. I’ve met these incredible people that deserve so much, and I know so many people who deserve nothing they have, and it’s just not fair. It’s hard seeing amazing students who have had to go through hell, and think about everything I’ve been given so easily. I feel bad about how fortunate I’ve been, but I try to use that to do some good here. It’s up and down ALL THE TIME. Some nights I would just cry, and I can’t control it. I’ve kept it out of the blog to not be a totally public downer looking for attention – because let’s face it: I’m in quite possibly the last place on earth where anyone should feel sorry for me.

3. The bugs/ants/geckos/cockroaches etc. No need to explain this one. I’m writing this in my “safe zone” with tissues up my nose because I’m still sick (classy). Adding to this one is power outages (as I’m sitting in the dark) and water outages.

But with the bad, comes so much good:

1. People: this includes students, coworkers, friends, and the babies. I’ve met some incredible people here, and many of them I will never see again. And this isn’t one of those times well maybe you will – no, I won’t. I feel like I haven’t even made a dent here, but at least I know I’m leaving some incredible people behind that can keep digging away.

2. Traveling: Whoa. I looooove going to a different country every weekend. I went to all of Rwanda’s borders. All. Well except Tanzania. Seeing different things, experiencing a different culture is amazing. Rwanda is probably the most beautiful country I’ve ever seen.

3. Probably the most important is I don’t feel lost here. I just don’t get that overwhelming ahh what am I doing with my life feeling. I know I’m only 23 and I have so much time blah blah, but I do feel like that in DC quite often (how American am I with that?), but not here. It’s an overwhelming feeling that I know I have time to sort out, but that can’t control it.

Those are just some of the things I will not miss/miss. It’s a very conflicting feeling to be honest. I’m so incredibly excited to see my family and friends, but I’m just not quite ready to go. Tomorrow is the Genocide Memorial Day, so leaving after that I’m sure will not be fun. Yeah, I’m pretty down if you can’t tell.